2 months ago I was dealing with alot of inner demons subsequently this was
the result: i was so Overwhelmed last night, all the loss and pain was
personified. Rushing through my head all the failed relationship, I could feel
nothing but pain, just needed it too end. The fact that me and experiment were
on the rocks after I slept with him (my 1sr time with a guy). This was
strangely erotic and spiritual. I’ve never felt like this before it was more
than just sex it was a connection beyond the physical, I guess it helps that
started out friend. The realisation that another attempt on relationship had
crashed and burned; send me into a downward spiral. Gasping for air, numb with the
pain surging through my veins. Fixed on ending it all I grasped the container poured
out 40 pain pills to release my insanity. I recalled the event of my friend
Amy's suicide; I could finally see how she got to the edge. I sat for awhile
contemplating the end; I came to the realization that no matter how bad things
may seem right now there is someone out there who is worse off than me and not
resorting to an easy way out. We all need moments of clarity to wakeup and realise
that life is what you make of it. Suicide it not an option but we linger at the
end when your life take a dark turn. If you are dealing with inner demons seek help if you unable to help yourself, there is always someone out there who willing to listen.
Dude, hang in there. I won't give you cheap cliches but I will tell you I've been in your shoes with relationships and it can be tough. I never thought of suicide, so I'm worried for you, please seek out someone you can talk to about it because if left alone it could end tragically.
ReplyDeleteIt was 2 months ago, I’ve managed to keep it together since then, it’s the wakeup call I needed to jolt me back to reality. Thanks for the advice Pharmboy!
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